Neil’s Books

Neil’s Children’s Books

Meet Neil

Neil Humphreys grew up on the world’s biggest council estate in Dagenham, England. His mum threw him into the Parsloes Primary School nursery and ordered him to fit in, so he took all his clothes off and asked to ride the rocking horse. When they told him to strip for P.E., he didn’t realise the underpants stayed on. They never did at home. At 11, he joined the local football team, Barking Juniors FC, and played in goal because he wasn’t good enough to play anywhere else. He wasn’t that good in goal either and his manager spent the next three years trying to replace him. Neil moved on to Mayesbrook Comprehensive School, which considered itself one of the better schools in Dagenham because it had a really good basketball team. Neil was tall. Neil never made the basketball team. He was immediately christened a “boff” by chav-prototypes because he knew his nine times table. The highlights of his secondary school career included kissing a popular girl for seven minutes without breathing, scoring against the Teachers XI and coming 13th in the annual cross-country run at Goresbrook Park. Several younger girls finished in the top 10. His A-Level results made him a big fish in a puddle at Mayesbrook (now renamed the more hip Sydney Russell, though Neil will one day launch a campaign to change it to the Dudley Moore Comprehensive School). At Manchester University, his results made him distinctly ordinary. Destitute, average and sporting an awful bowl haircut in a failed attempt to look like Blur’s Damon Albarn, Neil pulled his socks up and left with a first class degree in history and a couple of prizes: one for the highest degree awarded, the other for the worst haircut.

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TV Panelist

Neil has featured on many panel shows and his own 7 part documentary style show Return To Sexy Island. His latest offering is a panel show called Game on whereby Neil features alongside the other presenters to discuss all things football.

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Media Clippings

Here are a sample of reviews and features on Neil’s books.

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